After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
