Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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