I think my fart just growled at me.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
