The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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