It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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