you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
