I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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