Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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