1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
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