This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
