I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
