We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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