I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
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