saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
How naked do you want me to be?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
