He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
