I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Randomize
