i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
