I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
