We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize