Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
