Texts From Last Night

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  (315): View more from New York

  Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?

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  (315): Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets? http://tfl.nu/drj5
  Replies (23) Good night (2602) Bad night (1282)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I'm in love with you.

  (1-860): View more from Connecticut

  huh?

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.

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  (860): I'm in love with you. (1-860): huh? (860): Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it. http://tfl.nu/in9v
  Replies (14) Good night (3244) Bad night (804)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just spent $27 on things to pee on.

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  (484): I just spent $27 on things to pee on. http://tfl.nu/pmzm
  Replies (30) Good night (1783) Bad night (4058)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg

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  (630): I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg http://tfl.nu/sw6a
  Replies (15) Good night (1464) Bad night (4106)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.

  (917): View more from New York City

  Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.

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  (917): I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads. (917): Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful. http://tfl.nu/kyyh
  Replies (23) Good night (7458) Bad night (762)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.

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  (317): After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now. http://tfl.nu/z4u1
  Replies (38) Good night (992) Bad night (8926)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing

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  (208): know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing http://tfl.nu/j7xf
  Replies (26) Good night (5758) Bad night (1610)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?

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  (+44): Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance? http://tfl.nu/duxd
  Replies (9) Good night (1190) Bad night (2115)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in

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  (202): You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in http://tfl.nu/2mgj
  Replies (5) Good night (2826) Bad night (1202)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.

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  (406): she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over. http://tfl.nu/abn4
  Replies (8) Good night (3321) Bad night (852)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?

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  (202): How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers? http://tfl.nu/rzz2
  Replies (8) Good night (1480) Bad night (568)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it

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  (425): I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it http://tfl.nu/rt0o
  Replies (8) Good night (1263) Bad night (424)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent

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  (407): I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent http://tfl.nu/qh18
  Replies (3) Good night (349) Bad night (475)
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  (808): View more from Hawaii

  It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!

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  (808): It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint! http://tfl.nu/hn06
  Replies (3) Good night (380) Bad night (299)
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK

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  (484): Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK http://tfl.nu/qy4p
  Replies (1) Good night (320) Bad night (341)

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