I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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