I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
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