So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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