I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
