Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
