So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
