I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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