She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
