u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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