I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
