Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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