she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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