God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
