the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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