Only a mothe r could love this liver
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
