it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Randomize
