I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
