Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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