y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Randomize
