I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
