No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
