The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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