38 yer olds are good kisserssss
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
