I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
