The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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