so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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