Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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