when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
