If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
