Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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