i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
