Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
