i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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