Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
