just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
