I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
