what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
