All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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