Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I just want to make out with him forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I touched a dick in church today
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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