why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize