I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
