My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
