Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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