Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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