Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
