It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
