I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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