I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize