Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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