meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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