laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Randomize
