Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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