on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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