I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
