I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
