Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
