My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
