The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
