You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Dick very happy bro
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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