Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
