Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
