I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
